The Highest Stand
In the book The Highest Stand, by Tonie Campbell, an Olympian, Dede Savage, is reminiscing on his past. As he entered the Olympic Stadium, he frequently reminded himself of all the wrong choices he has made in his past. His friends forgave him, but that wasn’t enough for Dede. At college, Dede started training with the goal of breaking the college record for track. Eight years later, Dede wins the gold medal for hurdling in the Olympics. As he struggles with trying to keep his popularity, Dede learns that friendship is more meaningful than popularity.
Dede enters the Olympic Stadium for a hurdling competition. While he’s getting ready for the race, he reminisces to the past of how he used to be a nerd, but slowly became popular. The inspirational words of an Olympic athlete made him realize that no one should stand in the way of what you want. These words gave Dede the courage Dede needed to stand up to the bullies. Since Dede stood up to the bullies, he slowly became popular. He decided that popularity meant more to him than his old friends so he befriended them. Rosa, a girl Dede likes, says she’s not happy with the choice he makes. Since then, Dede only thought about how he had hurt his best friends.
When Dede was in high school, he got kicked off the track team since his grades were declining. After that, Dede decides to become a nerd for his old friends. Rosa and his friends accept his apology and Rosa begins to tutor Dede to get him back on track. Eventually, Dede is confident with himself again and he tries out for track and makes it. Without Rosa's knowledge and encouragement, Dede could have never pulled it off.
Apparently, Dede goes to college for track. When he gets there he beats the college track record. Due to Dede’s amazing skills, the Olympic track team tests him and he gets accepted. A tragedy happened and Dede breaks his leg and can’t play in the Olympics until eight years later. Dede pities himself of how he lost a chance to win the Olympics.
Dede comes back when he is 31 years old. Dede pulls his hamstring. Even though he is in an abundance of pain, he perseveres himself to keep running. Dede crosses the finish line at first place. He smiles thinking of his win. Dede’s parents cry with tears of joy. Dede has never had so much pride in his life.
Dede learns that friendship is more profitable than being popular. He learned this lesson from neglecting his friends but realizing that when he was popular no one was really his “Friends.” I learned that perseverance is the key to succeeding in life. Dede won the race only because perseverance was assisting him. Dede never gave up even though he was in pain. While Dede was standing up on the first place podium, he thought to himself, ”Dreams do come true.”


Comments
I like the content of this essay very much. It accurately describes the story of Dede's life. The essay does, however, fall into a dangerous pattern. The author tends to list event after event in describing the book, without connecting those events. This causes the essay to lose some of it's punch and become boring at times.
Using better transitions at the beginning of paragraphs in connecting thoughts is one solution to this problem. Make sure each paragraph begins with a conceptual tie-in to the last sentence or two of the previous paragraph.
This pattern can also be corrected by changing the opening paragraph of the essay. Currently, the first paragraph is specific in describing the opening sequence of the book. The essay would be better if the opening paragraph described the general theme of the essay, as it relates to The Highest Stand. Right now, the opening of the essay simply describes the opening of the book.
The author may wish to borrow some words from his/her closing paragraph, which nicely tie together the events described in the essay. With these simple steps, the essay will be less like a timeline, and more like a cohesive essay.
Posted by: Brett Hodus | February 5, 2007 1:41 PM